Kink and BDSM

Safe, Sane, and Consensual

What is Kink/BDSM?

The terms kink and BDSM have entered mainstream dialogue through the success of contemporary movies and books (i.e. Fifty Shades of Grey), but there is still stigma and misinformation surrounding these practices. In reality, it's all about the mantra: Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

is an umbrella term for any sexual behaviors, fantasies or interests that fall outside what is typically considered "vanilla" or mainstream sexuality. Kink includes a vast range of activities such as role-play, and more, which may or may not involve elements of BDSM.

refers specifically to the practices of bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism. It encompasses a variety of sexual practices often involving restraint, power exchange, control, and sometimes pain. Communication, negotiation and trust are crucial parts of kink/BDSM interactions – and mutual pleasure between consenting adults.

By the way: there’s no evidence that kink/BDSM interests are caused by mental health issues or past trauma.

Key Roles in BDSM

  • Dominant (Dom): Assumes control and authority.
  • Submissive (Sub): Offers submission, follows the authority of the dom.
  • Switch: Alternates between dominant and submissive roles.
  • Top: Performs activities on another (can be synonymous with dominant).
  • Bottom: Receives activities (can be synonymous with submissive).

The foundation of most BDSM interactions is the negotiation process that happens as part of the "game" or "play scene," wherein all parties share needs and expectations. Again, consent is key. The mantra of the BDSM/kink community is "Safe, Sane and Consensual": participants discuss the scene they're going to play in before, during and after it (this is referred to as debriefing or aftercare).

Reflection Questions

Consider the following questions yourself or with a partner:

  1. How do you feel about the new conversation about non-mainstream sex activities?
  2. Are there any tools/techniques you’ve heard about that interest you?

Term Definitions

Fetish
A sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs.
Kink
Kink definition
BDSM
BDSM definition

Deeper Dive on This Topic

Sources

Further Reading

  • The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play & the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

Questions? Comments? Let's Talk!